fred sanford in baghdad

This morning I drove the big Ford Excursion over to the Convention Center. S. and C. rode along with me and marveled at my roadrage (though I usually laugh in the middle of my tirades). We parked at the road and walked to the Convention Center lobby. Its an awesome place and and I could easily imagine the Brady Bunch walking around on the burnt orange carpet inside. Being generous I’d say the place is stuck in perpetual 1978…including the old copier machines I saw stacked in the basement. I was there to assess what we should add to the U.S. Government property book and I decided we should scrap all electronics and furniture in the basement…unless Graceland needed to replace some period pieces that have worn out. The air conditioning was out. One Army captain worked at his desk sullenly. A thermomemter he had mounted there read 100 Farenheit degrees. I assured them I’d recently approved a work request to have the air conditioning replaced.
Afterwards we walked over to the Al Rasheed hotel – the place where all the rockets hit because it is such a large target. I found some ivory for sale, carved up like a half peeled ear of corn. It was heavier than I expected. I talked the sales girl down to $75 but I don’t agree with the ivory trade practices so I reluctantly walked away.
Before heading back to the palace we rode down to the crossed swords. C. and S, had been there before so they sat in the cool of the Excursion. I walked up to one of the 60 foot tall Saddam Hands and was greeted by an Iraqi policeman. To show me he was a good guy he showed me his Vote Kerry bumper sticker which he carried around in his pocket. I wanted it to stick on the Excursion.
We walked around the fist and he opened a manwhole and offered to give me a tour inside but I declined. At the base of each sword is a cornocupia shaped net full of Iranian helmets from the war with Iran (there are British and Iraqi helmets as well). They are an integral part of the art/structure. But the guy must have liked me because he pried one of the weathered helmets loose and offered to sell it to me for $5, then $4, then $3 but I didn’t really need a used helmet.